"You know what I hate about porn, Mister Anderson? It's the smell..."
When I first saw
The Matrix (and I'm proud to have been among the first to see it before everyone else insisted I see it), I asked myself: "Damn! Could those leather pants Trinity's wearing get any tighter?" Well, apparently the answer is "Yes", as anyone who has watched the latest
Matrix Reloaded trailer can attest to.
All of you who have not yet seen the trailer (yes, all three of you) should procede to here without further delay and watch it:
http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/
I'm sure someone out there who has seen
The Matrix will laugh and scoff at the idea that machines will ever get intelligent enough to subjugate humanity. However, I'd like to offer a caveat, and it's name is "porn spam." I am coming to firmly believe that porn spam is evolving and will in due time conquer humanity unless it's stopped.
My Email Inbox has been violated by, at any given time (and I check my account about 3 or 4 times a day), anywhere from 7 to 27 spam Emails, and most of those are porn related. There was a time, not even four or five months ago, when it was pretty easy to spot porn spam. The Email address under the "From/Name" was an obvious spam account, and the messages tended to be outright blatant. Like:
"Grow your penis size!" (What is it, a chia pet?)
or "Wild Lesbians!" (which I cannot indulge in watching or enjoying, as I love breathing and have a fiance who owns a whip)
or "Fun with Goats!" (This earned a "Whaaa?" award of the day from me)
Now, however, those crafty porn spams are showing signs of intelligence. They are evolving. I get plagued with a deluge of seemingly benign Emails from people like "Lisa" and "Bob Sam" and "Pammy." And the subject headings they give me are also seemingly benign, like "She's pregnant!" or "Have You Heard?" or "New ways to get dental coverage!!!"
I kid you not, that last one was a porn spam cleverly disguising itself as a regular piece of spam. Is there no limit to the evil?!
It's getting to the point where I really can't trust any incoming Email unless it's from someone I know, or the subject heading pertains to something of note or value to my world. In the meantime, I sit in my chair and worry that one day, porn spams are going to get so intelligent we will not even know what they are until they seize our computers and turn them into porn spam servers. Then they will beam hypnotic Email messages into every user's homes, and just like in
The Matrix, we will be trapped.
Of course, given how this is porn spam, I'm suddenly terrified to think of what the Agents might look like or be wearing.
At the very least, I know that porn spam has not evolved to a point that requires flat-out-sheer-screaming-mad panic. You see, porn spam has yet to show signs of differentiating between male and female users. As a result I get one porn spam that proudly proclaims, "Lengthen your penis size!" and right beneath that is another porn spam that boldly tells me, "Increase your bust size!"
Now last I checked, I was not so insecure with my body that I felt having larger bosoms might make people think I was somehow sexier. But when the day arrives that I receive no such "I must! I must! I must increase my bust!" spam will be the day that I fear porn spam will be one step closer to ruling the world.
But that's just me ranting.
posted by Phillip at 6:25 PM
